I left this review till last, as the film is so horrible I couldn't tackle it without either being drunk or desperate.. unfortunatly I have no alcohol so this is gunna be a bitch.
Ok got a nice wee musical intro from an Enrique Iglesias lookalike, not sure if he was gay or just had good fasion sense and a nice voice.. oh wait his SINGING voice is nice, he spoke an ruined the illusion of Enrique. You ruined the illusion! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I expect a better Enrique introduction next year with appropriate spanish accent found here ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cG4YdDxf1hY
Chromatic Aberration: WTF
Taurine Rising: Like “Blue Rising”, yay!
Superhero: WTF this is a shit genre
2/4, not bad!
As you can see here I am avoiding reviewing the film as long as possible.
OK... here we go. So a couple of lesbian schoolgirls start either fighting or making love, not to sure which, on a basketball court. The a fuckning V car drives in, a dramatic foot hits the ground... is it a V salesman? Is it the winner of the V car competition? Is it a V can? NO! Its fucking V MAN!!! who has the power to skip forward time to get to lesbian girls faster, and leap wire fences at the same speed normal humans do. VMAN grabs one of the lesbians (who were still having sex) and then.......................... heaven as his silky Adam West voice reverberates around the baseketball courts. “That's some attitute you have there young woman” He silkily purrs to the scared young girl, his word stimulation the edorphins in my body to ecstatic extasy.
I can't remember what happened next, all I could hear was his silky voice.. all I could see was his tighty spandexed body... and then.. he LOOKED AT ME!! And his eyes shon like litle clouds coming towards me. The lesbian fell uhnder VMANS spell, and ran away to the mystical land of off the camera, while VMAN starred longily and heroicly into the distance, his green spandex flexing like a million dolphins on crack.
And the scene changes! A mystical enemy base with scarry fans... and an evil bad guy! He is also wearing spandex... I think. Either that or a onesee pj suit. The Nacho Libre like character speaks in a tounge I do don understand (On second watching I found it was actually english, just in the bulgarian accent of the king from Chitty chitty bang bang). He is holding a big silver gun, and we have a nice 2 second panning shot of his stove. No comes the good part.....
bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom!!!!
NEWSNET NEWS!! HOLY SHIT!
A couple of oddly dressed and sexist news presenters (I believe christina applegate and Pee wee herman) are talking about something.. but i'm still thinking about VMANS voice (again second watching tells me that nacho libre is the bad guy and has killed 100's of people etc etc) It also shows that nacho is taller then the fuckin police board, and aparently his mask is actually his face as the police didn't take it off for the photo.
We then get the most cinematic, well acted, amazing scene in V48 Hours history. A Texas Ranger who has transferred to the Timaru Rangers (I can only assume this is Chuck Norris) tells us that “There aint nothing we can do to stop him” in an american drawl that gives William Shatner's T.J Hooker a run for his money. I loved this scene, I could have watched a whole movie of this one camera angle and guy (no shit).
So turns out its not “VMAN” it is “The V” , hmm I like VMAN, sound like “The Man!” Except in German. Ok so the hot newspresenter tells us that VMAN is the only hope at stopping the king in Chitty chitty bang bang, along with a picture of VMAN from the 70's giving the peace sign and smoking question mark shaped puffs of weed smoke. OMG!! OK I didn't see this coming but...
Pee wee herman IS VMAN!! wow, this changes the dynamic of the movie completely. Is hot presenter chick also a schoolgirl lesbian? Meh I can't be bothered checking. The plot fucking thickens!!
Ok so “Victor” (Pee Wee) runs round the corner and rips open his bowtied vest to reveal his spandex, I can't remember much after that... as he opened his mouth again. I believe he pulled his V product placement car out of his pocket and was driving alone.. he may have been talking to Kit from Knight Rider... or mayby I smoked some of VMANs question marks.
After some gps action from kit, and some music and stuff.. we come to the final showdown.. in an empty car park. VMAN exits the car and approaches King Nacho mask face.
They exchange evil words.... VMAN shows off his utility belt he stole from Adam West... Nacho pulls out a foam sword... VMAN turns his wire utility belt into another foam sword.. FIGHT!
After the fight going on too long with no punch sound effects and some batman inspired “SMACK!” logos.. Nacho picks up his silver gun.. oh NO!! He shoots invisible rays .. omg his gun is actually a sonic screwdriver from doctor who.. VMAN is donw, but no fear! He makes a V can out of wire.. the lesbians are nowhere to be seen... and then. It happened.
The V can roles over to a foot.. McGyver music cues in, and the camera pans up to see the wind swept hair of a corset wearing lesbian newspresenter called Bobby. She used to be a bully, but now she is called Taurine, catch! VMAN drinks the V, and has a dramatic slow mo rising scene.
Nachoe is cornerd... VMAN brings out his cloud eyes (Which I now deduct are weed eyes) His eyes kill nacho king man.. and we come to the last scene.
HIGH FIVE! (Between Taurine and The V)
Taurine - “Hey cool car, how about I drive?”
The V - “Sure thing pretty lady, catch” (Key sound)
Kit - “You have got to be kidding me”
Yes... you have got to be kidding me. Worst movie ever in the history of V48 hours, well done guys. Looking forward to your next year entry!!